Names marked with * is to protect the person’s privacy.
[I would’ve posted this last night had I remembered but I’ve got a multitude of other things on my mind so this didn’t go out as planned. So here it is.]
Even to this day, we’re still learning things about my mother’s past. But, August 19th of last year was an important day for me, as on that day - I had met my biological grandmother Ana*. I must admit, it was incredibly strange meeting someone on Mum’s side who had a visual likeness, we (Mum, me, my sister and Dad) had gone to meet her at a restaurant and while people were thinking about what they wanted to order, I couldn’t stop looking at how my mum was the spitting image of my grandmother. (Like, I haven’t met my biological grandfather yet and it was spooky in terms of similarities)
Prior to going to meet her, I had gotten an idea of what her life was like when she was pregnant with my Mum from correspondence between my Mum and Ana* which Mum had talked about. Ana* was the eldest child in her family and was very much seen as the role model for her younger siblings and pretty soon after my great grandfather Adam* had found out, she was swiftly sent to Bessborough and was told to not return until it (my mother) was gone. I will never understand the odd and twisted sense of morality of love and acceptance that was ‘preached & practised’, yet the minute something like this happened? It went out the window very quickly.
When my mother was born in late 1970 in Bessborough House, Cork, Ana* had known when Mum was born that she wouldn’t be able to keep her and had made the hard decision to give her up around Christmas of that year. Soon after, my mum was sent up to St. Clare’s — an adoption society up in Stamullen, Co. Meath - the place where my Mum’s adoptive parents Colum & Kathleen would adopt her. But the hardest part to hear? Ana* had gotten a job in Dublin and would make the effort to go out and see my mother in Stamullen a few times. Soon, it became too much for her to bear.
We must’ve chatted in that restaurant for hours and afterwards just as I thought we were parting ways - the next thing we know, Ana* was showing us around where she grew up and telling us stories. She showed us where her family was buried and like a genealogist, started reeling off the facts about people and how she was related to people.
When building Ana’s* tree - it was pretty easy to do. Her father, Adam*, was born in 1922 and at the time, births for 1922 were not online. So, I did what anyone does - add it to my list of records to take a look at the following year.
When the 1922 births were put online onto Irish Genealogy, I looked up Adam’s* birth entry and was surprised by the date. August 19th, 1922. After the realisation, I felt it was incredibly poetic, the child Adam* had wanted Ana* to part with, Ana* was meeting her daughter, son-in-law, and two more grandchildren.
I was debating whether to put this out as I am well aware that not every adoptee has had the same positive experience or outcome. But, this is a journey I had wanted to post about in the hopes it is informative for people and it opens up discussion on what would otherwise be seen as a rather taboo subject.
This is lovely. My 18 year old son managed to finally track down my birth father’s family for me - he’s also an excellent genealogist, and managed something I’d never been able to do, despite my being an ex-archivist! So important to tell these stories.
I am pleased you did publish it Daniel. As an adoptee myself, it's always heartwarming to hear about reunions like this. I am so pleased your mother has been able to make this connection and, with your help, to find the missing pieces. From my experience, its absolutely vital to know who we are.